MEN WITH VEN

Release Dates

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1: The Spotted Dog
2: The Pie & Mash Interfaith Meeting
3: Sic Transit Gloria
4: Jason Statham - May 29
5: Breaking The Curse - June 12
6: The Dave - June 26
7: The Cuddle - July 10

Soundtrack Album: Songs From Driving From Barking To Deptford

MEN WITH VEN - DRIVING FROM BARKING TO DEPTFORD

A seven part audio series.
Genre: Action/Adventure/Musical/Comedy.
Elevator Pitch: Minder meets Game Of Thrones as a musical.
Nearest comparison: Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

The story of three men and their van driving from Barking to Deptford.

They meet their Nemesis in the Blackwall Tunnel and find enlightenment as they cross The Greenwich Meridian.

Bill, Dave and Carl do odd jobs with varying degrees of legality in the East London area.

They are unwittingly co-opted by a 9th century nun (St Ethelberga) & a Viking goddess (Freya), to fight a battle of epic proportions in The Blackwall Tunnel.

On their way they encounter a pie and mash shop that doubles as a multi-faith religious centre, a time traveller who lost his licence for “Inter-Species Infractions”, Julius Ceasar, Jason Statham. and Bill’s missus. 

It’s a bit like The Odyssey except it starts in Barking and ends in Deptford. 

Oh, and it’s a musical.

 

CHAPTER 1

THE SPOTTED DOG

Meet Bill, Dave and Carl - Men With Ven.

It’s Bill’s wedding anniversary and he’s bought a parrot for The Missus.

Pub landlady Ethel persuades Carl to take a package containing A Royal Charter to Canning Town to her friend Spaceman Jack for safe keeping.

After receiving violent threats from South East London gangster Frieda Fortune, Dave reluctantly decides to steal the same package.

We learn the origin of the centuries old feud between Ethel and Frieda when they are known as Ethelburga and Freya.

Centuries past, they kill each other in a violent skirmish on the grounds of Barking Abbey…

 

Songs:

Driving From Barking To Deptford pt1

Google It Pt1

I Can Do That

Google It Pt2

The Power Of The Conga

It’s So Hard Being Dave (pt1)

The Missus

Pray For It

Everything Pisses Him Off

String "Em Up

 

CHAPTER 2

THE PIE AND MASH INTER-FAITH MEETING

Ethelburga and Freya are brought back to life by the petulant teenage sorceress Vivien who immediately curses them to an eternal life of battle.

Bill Dave & Carl drive by the old Upton Park and complain abut the new developments going up around the East End.

Frieda and Oddman discuss their business model for their property empire.

The lads take their van Gloria for a surprising makeover at Spaceman Jack’s garage in Canning Town.

Ethel confides in Viv about her past.

Dave gets some spiritual advice at Mo’s Pie & Mash Interfaith Meeting and the lads go time-travelling in their modified (sic) Transit (Gloria).

Carl sees his long dead mother.

 

Songs:

The Curse

Driving From Barking To Deptford pt2

Slumlord

Deptford Market

Brand New Universe

Kiss It Better

Driving From Barking To Deptford pt3

 

CHAPTER 3

SIC TRANSIT GLORIA

Julius Ceasar tells us of his encounter with Bill, Dave & Carl.

Ethel is shocked by Jack’s unsolicited reconditioning of Gloria and his news of the missing charter.

Frieda reminds us of her ruthlessness but at Oddman’s death metal gig at an old peoples home in Bermondsey, she gives us a glimpse of her tender side.

Bill and Carl nurse Dave back to normality after he is reminded of a traumatic experience at Glastonbury using the unlikely combination of Marijuana & Bacon. 

They reach The Blackwall Tunnel and Bill continues to worry about his rendezvous with The Missus.

They discover a huge arsenal of weapons in the back of their van - Gloria. 

Ethel arrives with a violent bang.

 

Songs:

Driving From Barking To Deptford

The Omelette Song

Marijuana & Bacon Pt1

Marijuana & Bacon Pt2

Be There

Driving From Barking To Deptford

 

CHAPTER 4

JASON STATHAM

The Einherjar arise.

Bill, Dave and Carl are introduced to Ethel as Ethelburga.

Joined by Jason Statham, they all engage in an epic battle with the Viking hordes.

Frieda/Freya prepares to enter the fray as leader of her awoken army.

Ethel reveals her true feelings for Carl but explains how her immortality might get in the way of a relationship. Carl travels back in time in order to save both Bill and the day.

Oddman transforms into Odin.

Frieda anticipates her final triumph.

 

Songs:

Driving From Barking To Deptford

My Momma Say Lee Perry Was My Daddy

Google It

Beautiful Morning

Jason Statham

What Is He On?

You Got Me There

String ‘Em Up

 

CHAPTER 5

BREAKING THE CURSE

We learn Vivien’s story and, with it, Viv’s.

Dave’s betrayal is uncovered.

Dave breaks the curse, the battle’s won and the ancient adversaries become mortal.

Carl and Ethel have a potentially disastrous misunderstanding. 

Ethel and Frida bury the hatchet and enjoy a new friendship.

It’s goodbye to Jason Statham and The Blackwall Tunnel.

 

Songs:

It’s So Hard Being Dave/String ‘Em Up

The Curse Pt2

Women Are Crazy - Men Are Stupid

Back Of My Cab

Parallel Universe

Better Out Than In

 

CHAPTER 6

THE DAVE

It’s hello to Greenwich and Dave’s long lost son, Chance.

Bill’s continues his quest to get home to The Missus… 

Crossing the Greenwich Meridian results in an argument between Bill and Dave and a cataclysmic change to the universe. 

‘The Dave' now rule.

Dave confronts ‘The Dave’ with disastrous consequences and Carl devises a plan to save him.

 

Songs:

Driving From Barking To Deptford (Live)

Better Out Than In

Fight Song

Special Brew

May The Road

It’s So Hard Being Dave

It’s So Cool Being Dave

Down The Shed

Check Y’Prostate

Down The Shed

Driving From Barking To Deptford

 

CHAPTER 7

THE CUDDLE

After almost succumbing to both the most perfect shed imaginable and ‘The Dave’, Carl launches a mission to rescue Dave.

Bill and Carl push the van down Trafalgar Road in an attempt to restore normality to the universe.

Carl and Ethel are reunited and decide to give it a go. Bill and Dave make up, some important advice is passed on and lost time made up.

Freya & Odin embark on a new challenge.

Viv and Vivien become one.

At long last, Bill makes it back home to The Missus.

But then Bill receives a phone call…

 

Songs:

Down The Shed

Back Of My Cab

Whitstable

The Code

Strepococcus Pyogenes

The Snow In Greenwich Park